Saving the World with my Sexy

Sometimes when all the fame, accolades, and marriage proposals get overwhelming, I have to take a minute and remind myself that I chose this life. I wasn’t born an international superstar.

In fact, I almost wasn’t born at all.

Let me explain.

One evening I decided to google news headlines for the date I was born. I wanted to see what events tried to compete with the birth of the second coming of Tallulah Bankhead.1 Figured it would be a pretty good laugh. Instead this is what I found.

On September 26th, 1983, we almost died.”

Wait. What?

The second headline was more sensational and just as chilling.

September 26th, 1983: The day the WORLD almost died.”

!!!!!!!!

While I was hurtling down my mother’s birth canal to begin the process known as life, Russia was preparing to launch 5,000 nuclear missiles to effectively end human existence in the United States. I am not exaggerating. You can read more of that story here….. http://www.politicalcortex.com/story/2005/12/22/154723/21

Can you believe that? It’s terrible to think I almost didn’t get a chance to experience life. I would have missed out on so much! A few things off the top of my head..

  • Girl Scout Cookies
  • Pretending to be a mermaid princess
  • Traveling
  • Hugs
  • George Clooney

The list goes on! Thankfully for you and the rest of the world that didn’t happen. But when I read that article I realized something.

I’m here to save the world with my sexy.

The timing of my birth and a thwarted missile attack is no coincidence. Not just any birth can stop the launch of 5,000 nuclear weapons. And before you bring up all the other people born on that day I want you to think for a minute. Ask yourself what you’re trying to accomplish by being logical. I’ll give you a hint. Nothing.

So how exactly am I going to save the world with my sexy? By writing a blog. Duh.

I know it doesn’t make sense now but you’ll see. Eventually it’ll alllll come together and you’ll say “My god. That’s how she did it!” and I won’t say I told you so but I’ll be thinking it. And then I’ll start thinking how we must not really be friends if you doubted my world saving abilities. Next thing you know, it’s five years later and I don’t even remember what you look like.

But that’s all in the distant future. Until then, it’s one blog post at a time.

Oh, and I promise to use my powers for good.

1. Paris, Britney and Lindsey have nothing on Tallulah Bankhead. That woman knows how a good scandal is done. Check out how her wikipedia classifies her as a “Bon Vivant”….

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tallulah_Bankhead

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1 Comment

Filed under That's Not Real

One response to “Saving the World with my Sexy

  1. theartfulabode

    i am ready for you to show me the light. bring on the sexy!

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