Gerard Butler wants you to have his babies

Let me begin this post by saying I am not the biggest fan of Gerard Butler.

I say this because my behavior the other night indicates otherwise. But I promise, it was all in the name of a good blog post.  All I wanted was a photo with Gerry. That’s it.

Here’s how I imagined it would look like.

Cool photo Sarah! But hey. You’re giving him that look. You know, that look you give when you’re considerably unimpressed with someone.

Oh I’m aware.

I’m not saying he’s not attractive or untalented. He’s Scottish so that’s definitely in his favor. He seems like a nice enough guy. He’s just—well, he’s soooo sleazy! And not in a sexy way.

Oh Sarah. You can’t believe those tabloids. Besides he’s dating Jennifer Aniston!

Is he now? Well, at the Bounty Hunter after party the other night— I’m sorry. Let’s backtrack. I’m getting ahead of myself with this fake conversation I’m having with you.

I had tickets to the premiere of The Bounty Hunter. I invited my friend Jessica who is one of my favorite superstar friends. I did not want to see this movie at all but I was excited about trying to crash the after party. However, when I got to the theater I realized I didn’t bring the tickets that you apparently need to get in.    (https://thatsnotreal.wordpress.com/2010/03/20/superstar-tip-1/) Ugh.

International superstars don’t need tickets. It’s called being on the list!

So when they turned us away at the door we worked out a game plan to crash the after party. Jessica was nervous since this was her first time crashing anything so I tried to calm her down by very confidently stating:

“Not only will we get in…. but I bet Gerard Butler hits on one of us!”

Jessica let out a big sigh and rolled her eyes.

“He already has.”

“What?”

“He came into the restaurant the other day, it was gross. Anyway.”

She flicked her hand in the air as though she were dismissing Gerard right in front of us.

“Did you know he did the same thing to my cousin and her friend?! At the Savannah Film Festival last year.”

“Of course he did. Can we stop at Rite Aid? I think I have a blister from these shoes.”

I have to say, I am impressed with how much ground Gerry has covered with the ladies in his relatively short career as a Hollywood movie star. My close friend and my cousin and her friend have had the opportunity to become one with Mr. Sparta. He is clearly on a mission to repopulate the world with his warrior sperm.

The after party was at Tao in Midtown. It wasn’t hard to get in because according to this completely real and not at all fake badge, me and Jessica work at Sony.

The party was ok. It’s never a complete bust when there is free food and booze but the music was lame and Gerard wasn’t talking to me! He kept having security block me from sitting at his table. I thought that was really weird. It was dark in there so I guess he couldn’t see it was me. Yeah, that must have been it.

But then when we went to the (WARNING: double word action ahead) after after party at the Boom Boom Room in the meatpacking district, he didn’t talk to me there either. I thought I would talk to Jennifer to find out what’s up but she’s a unicorn and her existence is questionable. I believe she’s real. I do.

So anyway, I don’t have a photo to share with you. But I do have a photo of my cousin with Gerard Butler and I think that’s good enough for today.

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6 Comments

Filed under Party Crashing

6 responses to “Gerard Butler wants you to have his babies

  1. Nick Rujigga

    Gerard Butler totally got me pregnant the other night. Where were YOU at?

  2. EMONEY

    when I had sex with Gerard Butler he kept calling out your full name.
    PS: I liked it.

  3. Pingback: Gerard Butler. Gerard Butler. Gerard Butler. « That's Not Real

  4. DAPHNE

    gerard can leave pregnant aaaaaaaaaaaall the women around the world…if he wants……..DO YOU WANT US GERRY??????

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