Tag Archives: Awesomeness

Whipping My Hair: Part One

It was my birthday a few weeks ago. I generally don’t like to make big plans for my birthday, not because I dread getting older, but because once I start planning anything, I start having expectations. And I know all too well what happens if those expectations aren’t met. Tears. Lots of them. I prefer to go to bed after a day of not celebrating my birthday, content with the knowledge that I may have gained a year in my age but I have also gained in my awesome. This isn’t an over inflated ego talking. It’s science. Take a look at this graph chart taken from Google images. You can see precisely how my awesome increases after each birthday.

 

It's not predicted to level off. Ever.

 

Even though I don’t like to make birthday plans, I’m not going to say no if my friends want to celebrate or do something special for me. My friend J.J. called me with the news that we’d both be getting our hair colored and styled into a “red-carpet up-do” courtesy of a L’Oreal celebrity hair stylist. Apparently, the L’Oreal salon hosts hair workshops once a month featuring a celebrity hair stylist and people come from far away to learn their secrets. “Models” are used for these workshops and in exchange for modeling, L’Oreal does their hair for free. If getting a free hair makeover wasn’t enough (and for me it definitely is), they provide breakfast AND lunch. Oh, and what’s this? A goodie bag of hair products? Can I say happy birthday to me or what!

The night before, instead of dreaming about birthday cake and presents, I had dreams of hot rollers and frizz free hair. In one dream, the stylist, represented by Ken Paves, highlights my hair while saying things like, “Jessica Simpson’s hair isn’t nearly as soft as yours” and “Why don’t you start your own hair extension line?”

“Maybe one day.” I demur.

In another, strangers stop me on the street to compliment my glamorous hair. “So this is what it’s like to be beautiful,” I whisper, as my new boyfriend, Ryan Gosling, leans in to kiss me.

However, when I woke up that morning it was raining. And it wasn’t just regular rain. It was old-testament-gonna-flood-this-city-till-everybody-dies rain. It didn’t help that the L’Oreal salon is in the West Village, where I’m lost the moment I step out of the subway station. It took asking two strangers, a pair of ruby-red slippers, Gryffindor’s Sword, and a golden ticket to get me heading in the right direction but eventually I made it to the salon just as they were removing the cellophane off the breakfast buffet table.

Bagels, I’m a-gonna eat you.

I was the first model to the salon. I thought the man who greeted me looked familiar but I figured he was just another fah-bu-lous! hair dresser getting ready for another long day at the salon. I didn’t realize it was David Evangelista.

THE David Evangelista.

David Evangelista: A red carpet stylist and friend of celebrities

Not to be confused with the other David Evangelista: Your neighborhood magician and friend of birds

By 9:00, the other stylists participating in the event had arrived. But David Evangelista was the only one who mattered. His words.

I kept looking for the cameras filming David. He was, as the people in the entertainment industry like to say, “on”. He danced around the salon. He bemoaned the horrible weather. He name dropped. He kept half yelling at me. “Oh, this ONE! She looks scared!”

Turns out, there were no cameras around. This is just how he is at 9:00 in the morning.

My friend J.J. was swept away by David’s celebrity stories. “What’s Rosie O’Donnell like?” asked J.J. after David made a casual reference to the time he was on her show.

“She’s great when she takes her meds.” he said in a sort of world-weary, seen-it-all tone. I thought that was a pretty honest answer.

Soon it was time to go in front of the people who paid a lot of money to learn how to style hair. David decided that J.J. would get a 60’s beehive, a la Mad Men, and I would get highlights and waves like Rita Hayworth.

Let’s start with my before picture, taken right after I came in from the rain.

 

 

Good luck making this look good.

 

After my hair went through the highlighting process, David went to work. He started by placing my hair in rollers.

And then he– well that was pretty much it. He did take my hair out of the rollers and sweep it to the side, though.

 

Look at me Mom!

 

J.J.’s look, however, required a lot more hairspray.

 

That is allllll hair.

 

J.J., George, and Me, looking glamorous

After lunch, the students had to practice recreating these looks on bodiless mannequin heads. The live models were dismissed.

I couldn’t wait to show the world my new look. My hair looked fantastic. It had a weightlessness to it. It bounced. It no longer looked as though I wrestle rabid raccoons for a living. I’m a somebody! I’m going places! I’m–

Missing my umbrella.

“A couple of students left early, they had flight to catch. One of them probably took it.” said the receptionist.

“But it’s still raining!” This was a terrible turn of events. I couldn’t ruin David’s work! Not when I’m so close to having it all!*

The receptionist handed me a shower cap to protect my hair.

 

“Thanks.” I meant it. This woman saved my hair and my birthday.  Of course, I didn’t realize that David’s work would not hold in the shower cap as I headed home, losing myself twice in the W. Village, but I’d find that out later. It’s okay. I have a second chance at hair bliss as L’Oreal contacted me and asked if I wanted to get a free haircut on Monday. Uh, you better believe I do! I can’t wait. I hope David’s there and he remembers me.

PART TWO COMING SOON…..

*I don’t even know what “having it all” means but I pretend like I do, just like I do with a lot of other sayings like You complete me and Love means never having to say you’re sorry and Superman that ho.

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Never stop dancing

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My week in photos: Peru Edition

If you are my friend in real life or on Facebook, chances are you’ve already seen most of these. But for those who haven’t seen them, here are some of my favorite photos from my trip to Peru. Next week I’ll start blogging about the trip and the crazy stuff that happened. And trust, this was the most challenging trip I’ve ever been on.

This is a legitimate oasis in the middle of the desert.  Huacachina is a small town that sprouted up around the oasis and it used to be a resort town for super rich Peruvians.  Now it’s more of a backpacker hangout where you can sandboard during the day and party all night.

This is a photo of me atop a desert dune. I’m still finding sand in those shoes two weeks later.

Photo of the street where my hostel (the fantastic Loki Hostel)in Cuzco was located. I didn’t get altitude sickness but it was difficult to breathe that high up. Believe or not, climbing a massive hill to my room did not encourage the flow of air into my lungs.

Some ladies I photographed in the square. It’s a nice photo but the photo I really wanted was me holding that baby alpaca. It didn’t go over well when I tried to take the alpaca into my arms. So. This is what I had to settle for.

This is the church in the village of Oropesa. This was definitely a highlight of my trip. The village was beyond beautiful.

Another shot of Oropesa. The sky is so blue!

I’m pretty sure this bedspread is the most awesome thing I saw on my trip. Machu Picchu  can’t hang with these green eyed pandas.

A village I passed during my casual stroll to Machu Picchu.

I lied. It is anything but a casual stroll to Machu Picchu! But it’s worth it and here’s what it looks like when you get there!

This is from the top of Wayna Picchu. Apparently, if you want, you can hike an additional hour to the top and sit on four pointy rocks and take photos from super high up. I think it’s worth it if you can manage the hike.

If you want to see the rest of the photos, check out my flickr page. http://www.flickr.com/photos/sarahskywalker/ Yeah, I had to get a flickr page because my parents don’t trust facebook. I probably shouldn’t either.

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Gerard Butler wants you to have his babies

Let me begin this post by saying I am not the biggest fan of Gerard Butler.

I say this because my behavior the other night indicates otherwise. But I promise, it was all in the name of a good blog post.  All I wanted was a photo with Gerry. That’s it.

Here’s how I imagined it would look like.

Cool photo Sarah! But hey. You’re giving him that look. You know, that look you give when you’re considerably unimpressed with someone.

Oh I’m aware.

I’m not saying he’s not attractive or untalented. He’s Scottish so that’s definitely in his favor. He seems like a nice enough guy. He’s just—well, he’s soooo sleazy! And not in a sexy way.

Oh Sarah. You can’t believe those tabloids. Besides he’s dating Jennifer Aniston!

Is he now? Well, at the Bounty Hunter after party the other night— I’m sorry. Let’s backtrack. I’m getting ahead of myself with this fake conversation I’m having with you.

I had tickets to the premiere of The Bounty Hunter. I invited my friend Jessica who is one of my favorite superstar friends. I did not want to see this movie at all but I was excited about trying to crash the after party. However, when I got to the theater I realized I didn’t bring the tickets that you apparently need to get in.    (https://thatsnotreal.wordpress.com/2010/03/20/superstar-tip-1/) Ugh.

International superstars don’t need tickets. It’s called being on the list!

So when they turned us away at the door we worked out a game plan to crash the after party. Jessica was nervous since this was her first time crashing anything so I tried to calm her down by very confidently stating:

“Not only will we get in…. but I bet Gerard Butler hits on one of us!”

Jessica let out a big sigh and rolled her eyes.

“He already has.”

“What?”

“He came into the restaurant the other day, it was gross. Anyway.”

She flicked her hand in the air as though she were dismissing Gerard right in front of us.

“Did you know he did the same thing to my cousin and her friend?! At the Savannah Film Festival last year.”

“Of course he did. Can we stop at Rite Aid? I think I have a blister from these shoes.”

I have to say, I am impressed with how much ground Gerry has covered with the ladies in his relatively short career as a Hollywood movie star. My close friend and my cousin and her friend have had the opportunity to become one with Mr. Sparta. He is clearly on a mission to repopulate the world with his warrior sperm.

The after party was at Tao in Midtown. It wasn’t hard to get in because according to this completely real and not at all fake badge, me and Jessica work at Sony.

The party was ok. It’s never a complete bust when there is free food and booze but the music was lame and Gerard wasn’t talking to me! He kept having security block me from sitting at his table. I thought that was really weird. It was dark in there so I guess he couldn’t see it was me. Yeah, that must have been it.

But then when we went to the (WARNING: double word action ahead) after after party at the Boom Boom Room in the meatpacking district, he didn’t talk to me there either. I thought I would talk to Jennifer to find out what’s up but she’s a unicorn and her existence is questionable. I believe she’s real. I do.

So anyway, I don’t have a photo to share with you. But I do have a photo of my cousin with Gerard Butler and I think that’s good enough for today.

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My Week in Photos

Trash Treasure!!! Here are the goodies on my block this week.

Obviously one item stood out from the rest.

MINE!!!

I also had some weird food discoveries…

like this mutant strawberry. I haven’t eaten yet but I’m hoping upon consumption I will acquire a superpower or two. If I don’t get a superpower out of this, I’ll probably grow an extra appendage which is okay because I will finally have a legitimate reason to join the circus.

And…

then I found this sweet potato I had forgotten about in my cupboard. The tentacles on it really creeped me out. It also smelled like dirt, which it didn’t smell like when I bought it.

This is my friend Emily. She’s an international superstar too. She flew in from LA to work on the show Design Star. She was only in town for a week but I was glad to see her.

Train X? My friend Damian wants to go to there.

This was not found on Train X.

I bet Train X’s riders are not as disgruntled as those on the C train. Wait for me Train X!!!!

Paparazzi catching me dressed down as I go to the grocery store.

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Wal-Mart Photo Shoot

As an international superstar you have to make sure your promotional materials are always fresh and kept up to date. Not only does this keep your level of visibility high but it keeps your fans happy. The last thing you want is for your fans to become bored with you and visit another international superstar’s website. However, this can be time consuming and expensive, especially for the novice at the start of his or hers international superstar career.

If you are in the process of becoming an international superstar or just looking for something fun to do on a Saturday afternoon, let me recommend the Wal-Mart Portrait Studio.

A few months ago I needed a new set of photos but I was having problems finding a company that could best capture my “sexy”. I visited several places, JCPenney’s, Sears, and Glamour Shots. They were all fine but none of them exhibited the caliber of photography I was looking for.

Enter Wal-Mart.

It was a warm winter’s eve in Florida when I arrived at my photo shoot accompanied by my photo shoot helper, Amy Grover. As I said hello to the little old lady who was on Greeter Duty, I took a deep breath. Could Wal-Mart handle the supernova force that is Sarah Walker?

As I slipped on my silver glitter parachute pants without a second glance from my photographer, I knew the answer was yes.

“Do it like a high school photo. You know, more awkward.”

“Can you bend your leg that way?”

“Now do a split.”

“That was super cute.”

Kym and Kendra, the photographers, were true professionals. The shoot only lasted 45 minutes but they were able to take me and my photos to the next level. I’ve selected some of my favorite shots so you can see for yourself.

Look at the variety of shots and backdrops. Unbelievable! Any minute Vogue is going to call and ask me to be their September issue cover girl. They won’t even need to do a separate shoot! Everything that fashion represents is exemplified in this photo shoot. You can see the rest of the photos at my fan club, sarahwalkerfanclub.com.

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